He Left Me…

Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.

Bismillah. 

You’ve been with this particular person for a few months, or maybe a few years. You think you get along well with this person. They mean the world and so much more to you. Hell, they deserve the world and so much more. Suddenly, you stop getting along with this person. Suddenly, you argue about everything. Suddenly, you start to drift apart. Suddenly, you start to dislike them.

Everything they do bothers you. Every little thing they do bothers you. You feel like they’ve changed. But the truth is, you’ve changed as well. You changed from the moment you met them up until now. You just don’t see it yet. The thing with relationships is that there is inner compatibility and outer compatibility. Your relationship failed because not only was it Haram, but it was also based upon outer compatibility. You thought you were in love with this person because you got along well, you shared interest in similar things. Maybe, you agreed with them when it came to social justice. But when it came down to real relationship problems, there was no compatibility deep down. In other words, this was not a relationship, it was a situationship.
In our hearts, there is a special place where we put love for the Creator, love for the most High, love for Allah. This should come first before anything else because this world will break you, and it will hurt you to the point that you will question whether you want to even live anymore but Allah will heal you, Allah will forever be there whilst people will leave you one by one. Love for the Creator comes first before love for the Creation. When you put love for the creation first, you will end up hurt and you will be miserable. Love for the creation for the sake of the Creator will never die. It will always live on. As humans, we tend to get broken whenever we put people before Allah. It’s important to realise while other people will eventually leave, Allah stays. Often, when I think of love forexample, I think it’s a beautiful thing. Have I ever experienced it? Not necessarily, I’ve had crushes here and there just like any normal 18 year old. The most important thing I’ve had to learn is that there is a right way to love and there is a wrong way to love. The right way to love is to love for the sake of Allah. The wrong way to love is to put your significant other before God. Relationships usually fail because we might fall in love for all the right reasons but we put that person first. It’s important to recognize your priorities.

He left me, now what? What am I supposed to do? I feel like I will never get over this. Every single thing reminds me of him. Walking outside reminds me of the times we used to go for walks. When I’m at the store, I often see his favourite cereal and I just break down. I feel like there’s a hole in my heart and I don’t know how to fill that hole with Allah. I don’t know where to start. I’m stuck. I haven’t eaten in days. I feel like I will always feel this way.

An important thing I would like to point out is that it’s very simple to be with an inconsistent person. No matter what they do, you will always somehow end up forgiving him. For SOME guys, “I love you” means I’m ready to be inconsistent with you, it means, I’m ready to waste your time, it means, I’m ready to lead you astray from your Lord. Men are born to chase. If they want something they will chase it, they will do whatever they can to get it. It’s built in them, it’s natural, and it’s how they are created. Sometimes it’s possible to find yourself chasing a guy instead of the opposite. There is nothing wrong with chasing the guy but there’s a boundary that should not be broken, when you find yourself constantly initiating any conversation, when you find yourself giving in one hundred and receiving back a zero, when you find yourself in a one sided dilemma then there’s definitely something wrong there. Sometimes you find yourself stuck in one sided relationships or situanships and it can be hard to cut that person off, but at the end of the day, one must do what is right for them. It’s a hard concept to grasp. If a man truly likes you or sees potential in you then he will do whatever he can to get to you. If you’re constantly chasing the guy, initiating any conversation then that’s proof that this particular guy does not see a future with you. He does not like you. He has never liked you. He does not see any potential in you, unfortunately.

Islam has been perfected 1400 years ago but humans haven’t been perfected. We are flawed. It’s important to understand that this is okay. Heartbreak is normal. It happens. Sometimes it’s for the best. It’s an obstacle that you have to overcome to find Allah. You don’t become pious overnight just like the Quran was not revealed all at once. Take your time. Each day try to build communication with God. Remember, take your time but don’t be too lazy. Start off slow, little by little, step by step. Eventually, you will get to where you wish to be in terms of Imaan or faith. Build your relationship with God back up. Humans will break you, and Allah will mend you. Allah will get rid of any pain. It’s really important to see your worth. Often as girls, we sometimes lower ourselves just for a guy and that’s wrong. You don’t need to do that. You don’t need to change yourself in any shape or form for a guy to like you or seem interested in you. It doesn’t work like that. You are only setting yourself up for failure. Put God first. When you put humans before God it will ALWAYS backfire and you will always end up hurt.

It’s never too late, as long as you’re alive Allah will always be with you.